Hope is Paralysing
by mrytale2-5
Summary: JJ sits in a bar, all alone, despair creating havoc in her mind, is there anybody to help her work through her dark mood


**A/N – Inspired by the season 4 finale To Hell...And Back**

**Hope is paralysing**

"_Everything I have done is to find out the truth so I can spare her. I don't want her living off hope."_

"_There are worse things."_

"_You're wrong. Bad news stops us for a while, but then you move on. Hope is paralysing."_

JJ shuddered as the words replayed in her mind, she had caught the tail end of what William Hightower had said, it went against everything she had always told victims families but somehow right here, right now, it seemed perfect. Sat alone in the bar, the half empty glass of red wine in front of her, hope was paralysing her, for the first time doubt was crossing her mind, maybe it had been the wrong decision to return, maybe it would have been better for her to have stayed at the Pentagon. A sigh left her dry chapped lips before she picked up the glass and virtually threw the contents into her mouth, but they barely touched the orifice instead the liquid cascaded straight down her throat, the soft raspberry tinged flavour not registering as JJ waved her hand at the barman who duly wandered over and refilled her glass. There was no rush to go home, no Henry to look after, no Will to argue with about her never being there to care for their son, tonight JJ didn't need to feel she needed to forget, that was why she was here, soothing herself with alcohol so at least maybe tonight she would sleep. She had delivered bad news for most of her FBI career, it was never easy, dealing with the sadness, anger, guilt that the recipients felt. JJ closed her eyes for a second, her head fuzzed and she knew that she was well on the way to being inebriated, then as she opened them again she caught sight of her reflection in the glass behind the bar and quickly bowed her head towards the glass of wine instead, that was a much more pretty and welcoming sight. The time when hope had truly paralysed her, when she realised that William Hightower's words were true, the time that she had delivered bad news to the people she loved, admired, worked with, told them that their friend, Emily Prentiss, had died in the hospital, when she knew that the polar opposite was true and that the hope that she could one day return had paralysed her. JJ had watched her friends deal with their grief, move on, while she knew the truth, hope that her friend would one day return had turned her own life upside down. The reality of that time was that JJ's life had been left in tatters, she had returned to the BAU a single mom, keeping that as well as Emily's fake death a secret close to her heart. JJ reached for the wine glass once again, noticing that this time her hand was shaking slightly but that did not deter her as she allowed the smooth red liquid to swirl around her mouth for several second before swallowing it down and allowing it to numb her mind once again. Hope was all that she had left in the world right now, that and the supply of alcohol the barman was serving her with.

* * *

><p>Emily had been to all of their usual haunts but had so far been unsuccessful, she knew how stubborn her friend could be and that if she didn't want to be found she wouldn't but Emily had seen the despair, the lack of life in the normally bright blue eyes. She sat in her BMW and ran her fingers through her long straight brunette hair, at a loss of where to go she started the engine and headed to the one person who may be able to help, all Emily could hope for was that she wouldn't be interrupting any nocturnal activities.<p>

* * *

><p>JJ raised her hand once again before she stared at the glass and the red liquid being poured into it, she thought that it was her third but she couldn't be certain, maybe it was four or five, definitely not six, no six would mean that she wouldn't be able to have this amount of clarity in her thought. She had delivered bad news again, early that morning, they had all hoped that they would rescue the last victim but he had been caught up in the crossfire, so hope had given way to bad news but at least the family now had closure whereas JJ, yeah she just sighed, left with the paralysing hope that somehow things might get better for her.<p>

* * *

><p>Garcia was fast asleep, glad to be able to catch up with some much needed rest after working non-stop for the last 48 hours but then her dream was interrupted by a strange noise, a constant banging that did not fit with the restaurant she was currently dining in.<p>

"Garcia!"

"But, hey, oh!"

Garcia suddenly sat up in her bed as the banging continued, instantly she fumbled around for her glasses only when they were on was she able to focus enough to find her way to the door and stop the infernal racket.

"Ok I'm here, Emily?"

Garcia looked through the peep hole before she opened it up, surprised to see her friend at the ungodly hour but the panicked look on the older woman's face had Garcia quickly ushering the brunette in.

"What's up, has something happened?"

"I, eh, it's Jen, I can't find her."

Garcia gestured to the sofa as Emily sat down before Garcia retrieved her laptop and sat down next to her, she too knew that something was amiss with their friend she just didn't know how bad it had gotten.

"Her cell is turned off."

Emily nodded her head as she leant forward and looked at the screen.

"How worried are you?"

Garcia looked at Emily, but the silence told her everything that she needed to know.

"Ok her credit card was last used at a bar in Newington, that was three hours ago."

"Thanks I'd better get going."

"Woah ho you don't Emily Prentiss, you can't come in here in the middle of the night get the information and then just leave!"

Garcia stood up as she spoke, her voice trembling as she walked towards her bedroom, leaving Emily sitting on the sofa, her mouth agape.

"Our little sweet pea needs us, don't think you are going without me!"

Emily knew better than to argue and she waited patiently for Garcia to get dressed, knowing that five minutes would not make any difference at this point in time.

* * *

><p>JJ's fingers on her right hand were wrapped tightly around the glass, her eyes half shut and she knew that she should probably leave once the glass was finally empty but somehow she couldn't bring herself to drink the last mouthful and follow through with that thought. The seats around her and been empty all night, there had been a reason why she had picked this bar and the fact that she could drown her sorrows alone had been her main priority but the sound of the two stools either side of her being moved made the hairs on the back of her neck bristle with frustration. Without turning or acknowledging the other presence near her JJ picked up the glass and threw the remaining contents into her mouth before she carefully put the glass down on the bar and turned to leave.<p>

"Not so fast Jareau."

Emily reached across and placed her hand on her friend's elbow as Garcia stood up and walked around and stood in front of the drunk blonde.

"What are you doing here, please just leave me alone."

"Not going to happen sweet cheeks, we're your friends, we're here with you through everything."

Garcia smiled as she put her arm around JJ's waist as Emily picked up the blonde's bag before the two of them walked her out of the bar.

"My car is just over there."

The words were slurred slightly as JJ spoke, she was sure that she could stand she just wished that her friends would let go of her so she could prove it to them.

"Oh no way Jennifer, you're coming with us."

Emily spoke firmly as she walked over to her car and watched Garcia help JJ in the back and then sit next to her.

""What are you doing here?"

"I've spent the last four hours looking for Jen, I know that you are hurting and I, we, don't you to go through this alone."

Emily felt the tears well up in her eyes as she looked in the mirror and saw JJ bury her head in her hands, she knew that the blonde wasn't ready to speak to them yet but neither herself nor Garcia were going to leave her until she did.

* * *

><p>Her head throbbed, her mouth was dry, her tongue felt like it had been used as a doormat for a nightclub the previous evening, JJ forced her eyes open and suddenly wandered where the hell she was. Immediately she sat upright but then regretted the movement as the contents of her stomach swirled around like curdled milk.<p>

"You ok?"

JJ closed her eyes again and was grateful for the wet towel that was quickly pressed to her head.

"Thanks."

"No worries."

Emily smiled as she sat down next to her friend on the large sofa while Garcia quickly padded over from the chair and joined them.

"What happened last night?"

"Oh you just got a little drunk in a strange bar, don't worry you didn't do anything stupid."

Garcia smiled as she spoke but she saw the sadness etched on her friend's face and quickly reached across and took a hold of her hands.

"Oh sweetie, it's ok, we're here for you."

"It's paralysing me, this hope that I have, that things are going to get better."

The words hung in the air as Emily and Garcia looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders, the despair had gotten to them on previous occasions, you couldn't do the job they did without it happening, but the three of them had supported each other through these black times and today was no different.

"It'll get better Jen."

JJ nodded her head and for the first time in 36 hours realised that Emily was right, William Hightower was wrong, hope was beautiful, hope was strong.

_Finis._


End file.
